The "War on Piracy"

By Jamie York

[Somalia is one of the poorest nations on Earth and it has no functioning government. Organized factions compete against each other for what wealth and food they can find and as part of this competition they have reportedly taken to the seas to loot whatever ship passes their way. Anything of value is taken, from jewelry to food to whatever cargo the ship may be carrying. Even the entire ship! Loot or starve is basically a way of life. These are some of the “pirates” we hear so much about lately, so now we have to ask, what if Obama declared a war on piracy? Oh yeah, and western nations are rumored to be dumping tons of nuclear waste into the sea off the Somali coast. And Somali volunteers are rumored to be trying to stop this illegal dumping by chasing down ships. Hmmm...makes you wonder what’s really up, doesn’t it? Taking hostages is always wrong, but we need an investigation into this allegation of nuclear dumping as well.]

Obama: Mr. Bush, I have a problem. What should I do about the pirates?

Bush: The Pirates? You gotta love that Duke guy. He’s a a lefty though and I don’t like lefties. Hehehe.

Obama: No, no, not the Pittsburgh Pirates, sea pirates. SEA PIRATES.

Bush: I understand, I understand. I’m an understander. hehehe I loved Hook, didn’t you? Dustin Hoffman looked just like a pirate but I don’t like Hollywood. Too many lefties hehehe.

Obama: Should I declare war on the pirates? That is what I wanted to ask you.

Bush: I would, hehehe. Back in my day we had a war on the terrorists. You remember that? I said we would smoke ‘em outta their holes and that’s what we did! We smoked ‘em! Hehehe. Right outta their holes hehehe.

Obama: I remember that! You were a regular John Wayne. But what about the pirates? Should I declare a “War on Piracy”?

Bush: What’s that Darkie? Hehehe Can I call you Darkie? Stretch is already taken, hehehe, or Dark Man. Can I call you Dark Man?

Obama: No! How about Barack? You can call me Barack. Or Mr. President. Can you be serious for a moment? What should I do about the pirates?

Bush: Hehehe, you’re pretty funny there Dark Man. I like a man with humor. Ya gotta have humor hehehe.

Obama: George, PLEASE!

Bush: OK, OK. Yeah, declare a war on the pirates. Just make an announcement from the Oval Office, sitting behind my desk, uh, your desk. The media love that, you know, makes you look presidential hehehe. They eat it up. But you gotta look at the camera. That’s the hard part. Hehehe Dick yelled at me for not looking hehehe You know Dick?

Obama: Yes, yes, of course I know Dick. Is there anything else I should do?

Bush: Maybe you could have a parrot on your shoulder hehehe. Everyone knows that pirates have parrots.

Obama: Thanks for speaking with me, sir. I will consider your advice.

Bush: You do that, Dark Man, hehehe [Obama exits]

Voice from closet: Can I come out now? Is he gone, son?

Bush: Yes, yes Poppy, come on out hehehe I had him going didn’t I hehehe

Bush Sr.: You did great son. He won’t do anything and when the media find out we’ve been dumping nuclear waste there he will get all the blame. Then we can get Jeb in the White House. This is the New World Order, son, and Democrats and environmentalists are not welcome!

Bush: Hehehe, Hehehehehe